2013 Vanity Post, Part 2

August 14, 2013 marks the two year anniversary for Shinsanity.com.  To mark the occasion, here is the 2^nd annual Vanity Post; a look at ten actors, appearing in films over the last twelve months, who have shown themselves to be easy on ladies' eyes.  This year’s list was comprised with a more analytical approach via a number of web analytics that are far less interesting than the people on the list.  So without further ado, here’s the top ten list for 2013:

10. NIKOLAJ COSTER-WALDAU in Mama

9. CHRIS PINE in Star Trek Into Darkness

8. NICOLAS HOULT in Warm Bodies

7. BRADLEY COOPER in The Hangover, Part III

6. DWAYNE JOHNSON in G.I. Joe: Retaliation

5. CHANNING TATUM in White House Down

4. RYAN GOSLING in The Gangster Squad

3. LEONARDO DICAPRIO in Django Unchained

2. HUGH JACKMAN in The Wolverine

1. HENRY CAVILL in Man of Steel

CLICK HERE FOR PART 1

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Review: White House Down

Let’s get the comparison out of the way.  Olympus Has Fallen is a better movie than White House Down.  In what has to represent career lows for both Jamie Foxx and Channing Tatum, the duo have been outdone in the presidential catastrophe genre by the non-immortal Gerard Butler.  But in the interest of keeping things real, let me say that comparing these two movies is the equivalent of comparing Burger King and McDonald’s; both are almost equally terrible and in the long run will probably kill you.  It’s just that the stench from White House Down is a bit more pungent.

The plot of this latest movie from director Roland Emmerich finds former Marine Cale (played by Channing Tatum) looking to earn a job with the Secret Service and win the respect of his daughter (Joey King) while on a trip to the White House.  When a band of domestic terrorists unleash an assault on the White House in an effort to take the President and wreak political havoc, Cale is forced to take action in order to save both the Commander-in-Chief and his own daughter.

Clearly Emmerich and writer James Vanderbilt (The Amazing Spider-Man) are completely eschewing realism for this movie, but that should neither come as any surprise nor is it the kiss of death.  The problem here is that White House Down is the continuation of a downward spiral for Emmerich, who once upon a time knew how to deliver actions movies that were short on intelligence and long on fun.  More recently his films (2012, 10,000 BC) have shown his transformation into a caricature of himself as a director with action sequences that seem poorly planned and the kind of schlocky sentimentality that could send someone into sugar shock. 

Making matters worse are Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx who act as gasoline to the flame that is Emmerich’s direction.  In my opinion Tatum is Mark Wahlberg redux – an actor who is funny (in a big goon kind of way a la 21 Jump Street), but is hard to take serious in any other kind of role.  He is only passably believable as a former Marine turned Cop, but has no credibility as a divorced father.  Sure, writer James Vanderbilt is feeding him terrible lines, but it feels like Tatum is making no attempt to exude any kind of charisma while delivering them.  Normally, I would call this a paycheck film for an actor, but with Tatum it’s really hard to distinguish because acting is not really his strong suit.

Then there is Jamie Foxx, who I have said repeatedly is a terrible actor.  In fact, he may be the worst actor ever to win an Academy Award…seriously.  And it seems in White House Down, he sets out to prove this sentiment true.  If ever there was a less believable performance in cinematic history than this one, I challenge one and all to find it.  Yes, he fumbles lines.  Yes, he fails at maintaining any kind of consistency in his character.  Yes, he has zero chemistry with his muscle-bound co-start.  And yes, he is actually a worse dramatic actor than Channing Tatum.

So with the two names sitting atop the marquee performing so poorly, it’s no wonder the movie wreaks so badly.  Even with fair performances from acting veterans Richard Jenkins (Speaker of the House), James Woods (head of the president’s Secret Service detail), and Jason Clarke (rogue Delta soldier), and a better-than-usual turn for Maggie Gyllenhaal, whom I will forever refer to as the weak link in the Dark Knight, nothing makes this viewing experience any better.  Not even a slightly better than average child performance from Joey King (Cale’s daughter) and good comedic relief from Nicolas Wright (as a White House tour guide)

There’s no nice way to put this.  White House Down stinks.  At best it’s a Sunday night FX movie at the end of a long weekend when you can’t really concentrate and you need something to put you down for the night.  Under any other circumstance, you will without a doubt find yourself struggling with the same regret I am plagued with as I type this review.  If it is action you seek, go with Independence Day as it will let you experience some of Emmerich’s better work from days long since passed, and it will also give you that White House demolition visual.  A refresh of that movie could be useful as Independence Day parts 2 and 3 are rumored to be in the works; also to be directed by Emmerich.  On second, you may want to take a pass on those movies as well. 

Standout Performance:  Richard Jenkins.  He’s solid in this movie and that’s saying a lot.

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Review: This is the End

I think we’ve all had a moment where we look at our friends sitting around the apartment drinking beers and talking smack about anything and everything and come to the brilliant realization that making a movie about our regular interactions would be pure cinematic gold.  Because of course every single thing we say is incredibly witty and every punch line completely hilarious.  Yet somehow, despite this obvious wealth of entertainment value, this never comes to fruition.  The reasons for this are threefold:

1.  Most of us are not nearly as funny or witty as we think.

2.  No one cares what kind of idiocy most strangers would spew during a drunken stupor or otherwise.

3.  Unlike writers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, we don’t have a bunch of famous comedic actor friends to attach to the film in order to convince a studio like Columbia Pictures to distribute said movie.

Luckily for the writing tandem that brought you Superbad, Pineapple Express, and The Green Hornet (2011), they do have such friends.  The result then is one hundred and seven minutes of footage showing a group of mostly funny actors hanging out under the guise of making a movie.  The plot of said movie finds Seth Rogen and Jay Barauhel (as themselves) attending a party at James Franco’s house along with Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson, Danny McBride, and a number of other celebrities that one would associate with this group.  When the end of the world seemingly strikes the Hollywood hills, the group must fight to survive the end of days while managing to keep their respective friendships intact. 

So when you take a bunch of actors who are adept at adlibbing and throw them in a confined space to film scenes that are loaded with comedic banter, most times the script gets thrown out the window.  And it’s evident that this is precisely what is going on in this film.  Portraying the worst caricatures of their respective public personas, it’s clear these actors are riffing on each other in very natural ways with no topic off limits.  The chemistry that they share really makes this the best aspect of the movie.  The jokes are cutting, incisive, and outlandish but then again, so is the premise (armageddon) and thus it all comes together in what can best be described as a frenetic hot mess.

Ironically, the very vehicle that allows for the over-the-top hilarity (specifically the end of the world as a backdrop) is ultimately what drags this movie to a screeching halt in the third act.  The first two thirds of the movie focus on establishing friendships and on comedic hijinks (the high point of the film), while the last third is dedicated to bringing some closure to all the fire and brimstone, and unfortunately that’s the least interesting aspect of the film.  The further you move away from the reckless banter, the more you become aware of how flimsy the whole narrative is.  That’s not to say that there aren’t some strong moments in the final act, but that by then, the movie’s sheen has definitely faded.

As for the work of the principle cast, Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson, and Danny McBride particularly stand out for their comedic timing, prowess with physical comedy, and overall screen presence.  If I had to take a guess, I would say that this trio provides the lion’s share of laughs attributed to the principle actors.  James Franco and Seth Rogen hold their own in this film though their work is a step down in the laughter department.  Seemingly not as adept at adlibbing as their peers, Franco and Rogen seem to rely more on the written script and thus many of their lines lack the natural spontaneity that the others project.  As for Jay Baruchel, he is the straight man of the group and thus responsible for setting up the jokes rather than delivering punch lines.  He plays the same character from She’s Out of My League and in this way he is perfectly adequate.

As for the celebrity cameos, the best of the bunch come from Michael Cera (hilarious), Emma Watson (because she’s Emma Watson), and one actor who surprisingly shows up in the third act (click here if you want to know), but there is no shortage of familiar faces (including Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, Rihanna, Aziz Ansari, et al) parading across screen during the first act to add a bit of punch to the chicanery unfolding onscreen.

In its totality, the movie is really funny.  If you are an avid fan of the movie industry you will especially appreciate some of the verbal barbs tossed around in this film.  However, This is the End is not for everyone.  As I mentioned, the plot is soft and the jokes are incredibly crude so if either of these elements are absolute deterrents to you enjoying a movie, you may want to rent it on DVD or take a pass altogether.  But in all honesty, they don’t really make films like this and probably won’t ever again (unless it grosses $250M).  So that plus some genuinely hilarious moments make This is the End worth a look this weekend…just not before you check out Man of Steel (review coming on Friday).

Standout Performance:  Danny McBride.  He proves once again that he is incredibly underrated.

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Review: Side Effects

Before I launch into this interview, let me put this on the table.  I think Steven Soderbergh is incredibly overrated in both his own mind and in the minds of those kids getting their expensive film degrees.  To me he has produced more misses (Ocean’s Twelve, Solaris, The Informant, et al) than hits (Ocean’s Eleven, Traffic, Out of Sight).  Where I think he particularly gets into trouble is when he tries to prove through his films that he is the smartest person in the room.  The results tend to be films that feel didactic, overly self-important, and not particularly entertaining.  With his most recent cinematic endeavor Side Effects, he is clearly wading into those waters – trying to send a message to the movie viewing massing, though by film’s end it’s hard to figure out what exactly that message is.  But I digress.

The plot of Side Effects focuses on the life of Emily Taylor (Rooney Mara), a woman struggling with depression.  When she is reunited with her husband Martin (Channing Tatum) who is recently released from prison, she struggles to adjust to those changes and is forced to seek the counsel of Dr. Banks (Jude Law).  After trying repeatedly to find the right medication, she settles on one specific prescription that has side effects (hence, the title of the movie) that prove damaging to her life and the lives of those around her.

If ever there was a list of movie premises that screams soapbox, a film about pharmaceuticals would have to be near the top.  It’s a subject matter not too far from one of Soderbergh’s more recent films (Contagion), but it’s far from the only hot button issue he tackles in this film.  While I can’t divulge any more without ruining the not-so-clever twist in the plot, I will say that many of the machinations that take place feel like a stretch and some of the plot surprises are telegraphed.  Thus, the film essentially amounts to watching a bunch of average characters try to outsmart each other; not exactly a riveting way to spend two hours. 

Despite the fact movie’s banality, the work of the cast is not a complete miss.  Jude Law (as Dr. Banks) manages to make himself both sympathetic and likable in this film, which is no easy task for an actor saddled with loads of baggage and a recent string of mediocre performances.  Both Catherine Zeta-Jones (Dr. Victoria Siebert) and Channing Tatum are surprisingly adequate in their respective roles though much of this has to be attributed to how they are utilized as opposed to improved acting acumen.  Surprisingly, Rooney Mara turns in the most disappointing performance in the film.  She has shown herself to be a chameleon in the past, disappearing into some truly challenging roles.  Sadly, her Emily Taylor is bland and uninteresting – and thus makes watching the film an exercise in tedium.

Maybe it’s for the best then that Soderbergh has allegedly retired from filmmaking because this film is void of his signature snappy pacing and unique visual style.  At times it’s hard to fathom that Side Effects is the work of the same person who directed Ocean’s Eleven and Traffic.  And while a muted visual motif may have been born from intent, it still leaves the impression that everyone and everything in this film represents the epitome of going through the paces.  My guess is that (like everyone else in Hollywood) for the right dollar amount we will see Soderbergh behind the camera again, but if this feature film is his cinematic swan song, then he will have gone out with a whimper.  Side Effects is a cable television movie at best saved for a very slow midweek evening unless you are one who prefer a snappier cinematic style, in which case you should probably take a pass.

Standout Performance:  Jude Law.  I wouldn’t put it up there with his better work, but he is a bit more than satisfactory.

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Review: G.I. Joe: Retaliation

If you saw G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, which starred Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans, then you know that G.I. Joe: Retaliation really had nowhere to go but up.  To ensure that this would be the case, director Jon Chu and company enlisted the help of the franchise rehabilitator Dwayne Johnson to ensure that the sequel would do a better job stuffing Paramount’s coffers.  Going into this movie if you were looking for an intelligent plot or an action movie grounded in reality, then you probably weren’t paying attention to the marketing of this film.  No, this film is all about explosions, gunplay, and hand-to-hand combat  - nothing more nothing less - and the creative team makes no apologies for it.   As for whether it is a highly entertaining nuts-and-bolts action movie, well that is a whole other question.

The plot of the movie picks up where the last one left off with Cobra having replaced the President of the United States with a doppelganger looking to promote their terrorist agenda.  After the GI Joe unit is dealt a crippling blow via sneak attack, a small group of remaining soldiers led by Road Block (Dwayne Johnson) enlists the help of General Joe Colton (Bruce Willis) to avert global destruction.

Sound good?  Ok.  So there is a bit of a backstory to this film.  It was originally slated for release last summer, but Paramount pushed back the release to March 2013 to accommodate 3D conversion.  Or so they say.  Sources allege that the film was delayed on account of massive reshoots to not only “fix” the film, but also to beef up Channing Tatum’s role in the movie – since his star had risen significantly post The Vow, 21 Jump Street, and Magic Mike.  So did the reshoots help?  The quick answer is probably not.

The plot is tough to digest even if you go into the film expecting total fluff summer popcorn fare.  It stretches your disbelief farther than it wants to go and does so with mediocre acting.  The movie tries to be both an intimate action narrative and a story written on a global scale and that’s a bit too much to chew for this kind of film.  There’s not enough plot development, not enough attention to the written word, and not enough acting acumen in this film to pull that off.  Sure, the action sequences are good (not great), but the stuff in between prevents you from buying in.

The bright spot in this film is Dwayne Johnson.  He knows how to play this type of role and has done so in nearly all his films.  He has the imposing physicality and the  wry sarcastic delivery to add a bit of levity when the movie demands it.  Is this a new or groundbreaking turn for Johnson?  No, but it’s his bread and butter and the reason he is known as a franchise rehabilitator.  As for his partner in crime, Bruce Willis, it’s not his most egregious effort and it’s not by any means his best. I can’t say that he actually was trying in this film, but he didn’t completely fall asleep at the wheel. 

The rest of the cast is hit or miss.  D.J. Cotorona as Flint is terrible.  He has no onscreen presence and no charisma whatsoever.  The same cannot be said of his cohort Adrianne Palicki.  The camera loves her and she is oozing with personality, but unfortunately she is not ideal in this role.  The tough girl with a soft heart is something she can pull off, but when you add the military component to the package, things feel off.  Byung Hyun Lee, Ray Park, and Ray Stevenson are satisfactory as Storm Shadow, Snake Eyes, and Firefly respectively, but Jonathan Pryce and Luke Bracey (the President and Cobra Commander) leave tons to be desired.  Worst in show goes to RZA as Blind Master.  Not only is he the worst actor ever, but his mere presence in this movie knocks it down a half grade as it reminded me of the debacle that is The Man with the Iron Fist. 

Though you would never say the bar was set high for this film, it still falls painfully short of what the finished product should have been.  Expansive ninja fight scenes, established veteran action stars, and a built in mythos – this is a move that should have been much more fun.  With narratives of this ilk, we don’t ask for depth, character development, and all that much logic, but what we do expect is a raucous adrenaline rush of a film.  It fails to deliver on the latter and that makes this one a very bad rental at best.  Given that we’re only a month away from the summer movie season, better ways to satisfy your action fix loom on the horizon.

Standout Performance: Channing Tatum.  He is least culpable for this film going awry.

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Top 10 Performances of 2012

It’s been a fun year at the theater.  From The Avengers uniting to a talking Ted and everything else in between, we have been treated to a wonderfully broad range of films.  From these films, a handful of memorable performances have emerged that remind us why we venture out to the cinema each weekend, visit the concession stand, and jockey for a good seat in front of the big screen.  With that in mind, here’s a look at my ten favorite performances of 2012.

10. JESSICA CHASTAIN

Zero Dark Thirty

Jessica Chastain is starting to become synonymous with Oscar nominations and this year is no exception as her performance in Zero Dark Thirty is getting a lot of award season buzz.  The much-anticipated film detailing the demise of Osama Bin Laden promises to be a compelling film and much of its success rests of Chastain’s capable shoulders.  

9. ANNE HATHAWAY

Les Miserables, The Dark Knight Rises

As if delivering a standout performance in the third leg of Nolan’s Batman trilogy wasn’t enough, Hathaway follows it up with Les Miserables and a performance that undoubtedly showcases her impressive vocals.  If going from The Dark Knight Rises to Les Miserables doesn’t show range, then I don’t know what does.

8. JAKE GYLLENHAAL
End of Watch

I have never been a huge fan of Gyllenhaal, but I came away from End of Watch impressed by his commitment to the role.  Gyllenhaal disappears into his LAPD character and shares an authentic camaraderie with co-star Michael Pena, and it’s that chemistry that makes the film so great.

7. JENNIFER LAWRENCE
Silver Linings Playbook

Long story short, Lawrence’s work in Silver Linings Playbook made me enjoy a movie I was sure I was going to loathe.  She has expressive features and uses them well in portraying a character who is both emotionally abrasive yet utterly vulnerable.  That is no easy accomplishment, but she pulls it off with flying colors.

6. CHANNING TATUM
21 Jump Street

In 21 Jump Street, Tatum proves he is more than just broad shoulders and hip dance moves opposite Jonah Hill in the action comedy 21 Jump Street.  Not only does Tatum hold his own against his comedic co-star, he steals the show with a unique brand of physical comedy.

5. EMMA STONE
The Amazing Spider-Man

While fans may debate the merits of Andrew Garfield’s Spider-Man in comparison to Tobey Maguire’s, there is near universal agreement that Stone’s smart witty portrayal of Gwen Stacy far eclipses the performances of other Peter Parker paramours (Kirsten Dunst, Bryce Dallas Howard).

4. DANIEL CRAIG
Skyfall

I have said it numerous times on this blog, but Daniel Craig’s James Bond is the best cinematic version of 007.  While there have been numerous duds on Craig’s professional resume, he always seems to hit the mark when immersed in the world of Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

3. BEN AFFLECK
Argo

America loves a good come back and Ben Affleck is the ultimate come back kid.  While no one will ever confuse him for Dustin Hoffman, Affleck does a good job in front of the camera as the CIA operative protagonist in Argo.  And with his efforts behind the camera, Affleck proves once again that he is growing into one of most accomplished directors in the business.

2. EMMA WATSON
The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a great movie, with a compelling story, and a dynamite soundtrack.  Still, the best part of the film hands down is Emma Watson who threw herself with reckless abandon into a role so different from the one (Hermione) for which she is known.  Hers is perhaps my favorite performance of the year.  

1. JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT
Looper, The Dark Knight Rises, Premium Rush, Lincoln

Did any actor have a bigger year than Gordon-Levitt?  You would be hard pressed to find one.  From a younger version of Bruce Willis to the heir apparent to a heroic legacy Levitt shows his incredible range as an actor and elevates himself to the cusp of the A-List.  

10 WORST PERFORMANCES OF 2012

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