Wednesday, December 19, 2012

10 Worst Performances of 2012

It’s been a brutal year at the theater.  From Project X to Rock of Ages and everything else in between, we have been treated to some difficult movies to digest.  From these films, performances have emerged that make us wonder why we venture out to the cinema each weekend, visit the overpriced concession stand, and sit in the crappy seat in the corner in front of the big screen.  With that in mind, here’s a look at ten performances that made me question why I even write this blog.

Wrath of the Titans
If you want proof that Sam Worthington should not be allowed to make movies not directed by Jim Cameron, you can turn to Terminator Salvation and Man on a Ledge.  But the film that really hammers this point home is Wrath of the Titans.  There seems to be this new movement in which actors such as Worthington believe grumbling in low tones and staring intensely at everything makes for a deep and layered performance.  Sadly, it does not.

Jeff, Who Lives at Home
Segel is not a dynamic actor, but he is a funny one.  If you look closely, almost every character he has played has been a slightly different version of Marshall from How I Met Your Mother.  This isn’t the worst thing in the world since there are a lot of laughs to be had in that world, but like many other comedians before him, he aspires to be something more than the court jester.  This movie is to Segel what Punch Drunk Love was to Sandler, what Everything Must Go was to Will Ferrell, and what The Majestic was to Jim Carrey.  Here’s hoping Segel goes back to his roots and in lieu of chasing an Oscar.

What to Expect When You Are Expecting
There’s nothing wrong with being a paycheck employee.  Mailing it in from nine-to-five and then running to the bank on Fridays to cash your check is more the norm than the exception in this day and age.  It does however become problematic when you are Chris Rock – one of the highest grossing standup comedians of all-time – and you are featured prominently in trailers as the comedic relief in a romantic comedy that turns out to not be funny.

The Watch
When did Ben Stiller make the transition from the awkward but plucky underdog to the strange idiosyncratic weirdo?  Whenever it was, it marked the point when Stiller stopped being funny and started appearing creepy.  The Watch represents another step in Stiller’s career towards Adam Sandler-ville, a place where you make crappy movies so that you can hang out with your friends for a few months and get them a paycheck.  

If LeBeouf were a tenth of the actor that he thinks he is, he would have his own wing in the acting hall of fame.  Unfortunately for us, he is not; a fact he reminded us of with his amateurish overwrought portrayal of bootlegger Jack Bondurant in Lawless.  Standing shoulder to shoulder with some very accomplished actors, his shortcomings are glaringly apparent and his prominence in the movie clearly hindered what could and should have been a better film.

American Reunion
Thirteen years ago, Chris Klein started out his career as a douchey cheap man’s Keanu Reeves with an overinflated sense of self and absolutely no acting ability whatsoever.  This past year, Chris Klein re-emerged from relative obscurity to turn in a terrible performance in American Reunion.   His works in American Reunion and a series of interviews to promote the film showed us that he is now an older douchey cheap man’s Keanu Reeves with an overinflated sense of self and absolutely no acting ability whatsoever.  

One for the Money
Katherine Heigl plays a bounty hunter in this movie.  Let me say that again.  Katherine Heigl plays a bounty hunger in this movie.  If that is not damning enough, let me follow that up with this statement: Heigl’s performance is one that can best be described as on par with Bruce Willis’ in Armageddon or Kevin Costner’s in Robin Hood:  Prince of Thieves.  Not since seeing the aforementioned movies have I witnessed an accent so butchered only to be abandoned mid film.  Most of Heigl’s fans only ask that she pretend she is trying in her movies.  In this one, she couldn’t even give them that.

The Raven
This one was brutal.  Bad accent.  Bad look.  Bad everything.  Nothing Cusack did in this movie worked and for most of the film it looked like he wasn’t even trying.  While doing press for this film, Cusack lamented that Hollywood studios don’t make romantic comedies anymore.  Well, if he turns out another performance or two like this one, he won’t be making them either.

Snow White and the Huntsman
There are very few people allowed to star in feature films that have less charisma and poorer acting skills then Stewart.  She has one gear and one gear only – apathy.  Her performance in Snow White and the Huntsman really detracted from the finished the product, as it grew painful to watch her sleepwalk through this movie.  If you ever need a reminder that we live in a great country with loads of opportunity, remember that Stewart (and her limited talent) was the highest paid actress of 2012.  

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
There are lists that have lists that have their own lists detailing bad Nic Cage movies.  The man has participated in some truly horrific projects while on his way to resolving a series of tax issues.  His performance in Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance has to be considered amongst his most perplexing.


  1. K-Stew in Twilight was awful too.

  2. Everyone in the Expendables 2!

  3. Did you see Playback? It grossed $250.00, according to what I've read: