Review: G.I. Joe: Retaliation

If you saw G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, which starred Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans, then you know that G.I. Joe: Retaliation really had nowhere to go but up.  To ensure that this would be the case, director Jon Chu and company enlisted the help of the franchise rehabilitator Dwayne Johnson to ensure that the sequel would do a better job stuffing Paramount’s coffers.  Going into this movie if you were looking for an intelligent plot or an action movie grounded in reality, then you probably weren’t paying attention to the marketing of this film.  No, this film is all about explosions, gunplay, and hand-to-hand combat  - nothing more nothing less - and the creative team makes no apologies for it.   As for whether it is a highly entertaining nuts-and-bolts action movie, well that is a whole other question.

The plot of the movie picks up where the last one left off with Cobra having replaced the President of the United States with a doppelganger looking to promote their terrorist agenda.  After the GI Joe unit is dealt a crippling blow via sneak attack, a small group of remaining soldiers led by Road Block (Dwayne Johnson) enlists the help of General Joe Colton (Bruce Willis) to avert global destruction.

Sound good?  Ok.  So there is a bit of a backstory to this film.  It was originally slated for release last summer, but Paramount pushed back the release to March 2013 to accommodate 3D conversion.  Or so they say.  Sources allege that the film was delayed on account of massive reshoots to not only “fix” the film, but also to beef up Channing Tatum’s role in the movie – since his star had risen significantly post The Vow, 21 Jump Street, and Magic Mike.  So did the reshoots help?  The quick answer is probably not.

The plot is tough to digest even if you go into the film expecting total fluff summer popcorn fare.  It stretches your disbelief farther than it wants to go and does so with mediocre acting.  The movie tries to be both an intimate action narrative and a story written on a global scale and that’s a bit too much to chew for this kind of film.  There’s not enough plot development, not enough attention to the written word, and not enough acting acumen in this film to pull that off.  Sure, the action sequences are good (not great), but the stuff in between prevents you from buying in.

The bright spot in this film is Dwayne Johnson.  He knows how to play this type of role and has done so in nearly all his films.  He has the imposing physicality and the  wry sarcastic delivery to add a bit of levity when the movie demands it.  Is this a new or groundbreaking turn for Johnson?  No, but it’s his bread and butter and the reason he is known as a franchise rehabilitator.  As for his partner in crime, Bruce Willis, it’s not his most egregious effort and it’s not by any means his best. I can’t say that he actually was trying in this film, but he didn’t completely fall asleep at the wheel. 

The rest of the cast is hit or miss.  D.J. Cotorona as Flint is terrible.  He has no onscreen presence and no charisma whatsoever.  The same cannot be said of his cohort Adrianne Palicki.  The camera loves her and she is oozing with personality, but unfortunately she is not ideal in this role.  The tough girl with a soft heart is something she can pull off, but when you add the military component to the package, things feel off.  Byung Hyun Lee, Ray Park, and Ray Stevenson are satisfactory as Storm Shadow, Snake Eyes, and Firefly respectively, but Jonathan Pryce and Luke Bracey (the President and Cobra Commander) leave tons to be desired.  Worst in show goes to RZA as Blind Master.  Not only is he the worst actor ever, but his mere presence in this movie knocks it down a half grade as it reminded me of the debacle that is The Man with the Iron Fist. 

Though you would never say the bar was set high for this film, it still falls painfully short of what the finished product should have been.  Expansive ninja fight scenes, established veteran action stars, and a built in mythos – this is a move that should have been much more fun.  With narratives of this ilk, we don’t ask for depth, character development, and all that much logic, but what we do expect is a raucous adrenaline rush of a film.  It fails to deliver on the latter and that makes this one a very bad rental at best.  Given that we’re only a month away from the summer movie season, better ways to satisfy your action fix loom on the horizon.

Standout Performance: Channing Tatum.  He is least culpable for this film going awry.

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Review: Red Dawn (2012)

Trivia question:  When is it a good idea to remake a film from the 80’s that starred C. Thomas Howell, Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, and Charlie Sheen?  If you have seen the debacle that is Red Dawn (2012), then you know the answer is never.  What makes the experience of watching this remake all the more painful is that this disaster could have been avoided as this title was in the can and on the shelf for two years while MGM straightened out its financial woes.  Still, had things not worked out for the struggling studio, the world would never have seen Skyfall and therein lies the silver lining.

In case you were not able to watch the original, here is the premise of its progeny.  Russian backed North Korean forces have invaded the United States but in the upper northwest, one Marine on leave and a small band of high school students form a unit they dub the Wolverines and engage in guerilla tactics to derail the invading forces and shift the balance of the war.  If I have not lost you yet, now comes the part of the review where I tell you what was wrong with the film.

The premise is unintentionally ridiculous.  Movies don’t have to be grounded in reality, but when they go for this kind of vibe, then there better be enough there to suspend your disbelief.  Needless to say, reality gets thrown out the window about ten minutes into this movie.  The only way the film could have been salvaged is if the creative team went for camp – some self-awareness that beneath the bullets, the bad acting, and the painful dialogue, that none of this was a serious and that tongue was firmly planted in cheek.  But no, they tried to play things straight. 

The acting does very little to help the brutal plot.  I like Chris Hemsworth as an actor – particularly as Thor, but I don’t think it is a stretch to say that we probably won’t ever see him starring opposite Meryl Streep in some dramatic character piece.  With his limited range and the horrible script, Hemsworth as Jed Eckert of the U.S. Marine Corp. comes off as nothing more than a cinematic gunning-toting stereotype.  And his was probably the best performance.  Working opposite Hemsworth is Josh Peck.  As Hemsworth’s brother Matt, Peck comes off as completely amateurish and redefines the meaning of bad acting.

As for the rest of the cast, Josh Hutcherson once again proves that he is not gifted in the acting department; Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Tanner continues his streak of cinematic clunkers (Watchmen, The Losers), and Adrianne Palicki has yet to prove that she is anything more than a very attractive woman.  Really, the work in this film from top to bottom is terrible and feels low rent.  I spent half the movie thinking that a good director could probably pick a bunch of people off the street and coach them up into a better collective performance.  Regardless, my guess here is that director Dan Bradley and his creative team weren’t exactly gunning for an awards season nod, but probably far more interested in doing this on the cheap.

So it should come as zero surprise that this movie is an absolute no.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it; it is a poorly made film, one that everyone involved should probably try to leave off their respective resumes.  If I had a choice between this film and Rock of Ages, I would begrudgingly pick this one, but if it were between this and a root canal, I would have to think long and hard about which I would choose.  That pretty much sums up the experience.  As for all you Chris Hemsworth fans out there, fear not.  He returns to the role for which he is best known (Thor: The Dark World) in November.  Here’s hoping that Marvel and the powers-that-be knock that one out of the park.

Standout Performance: Adrianne Palicki for being attractive.  That’s about all I can come up with for this film.

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