Review: Zookeeper

I can only ask myself why I did it?  Why did I put Zookeeper on my queue?  Why did I stand idly by as it crept its way up the list?  Why did I open that red envelope and put the DVD into my PS3?  To these questions and so many more I can only offer up some best guesses.  Maybe it was because l had recently watched We Bought a Zoo and enjoyed it so much that I felt compelled to follow it up with a movie called the Zookeeper (completely disregarding that the two films are polar opposites).  Or maybe it was because I was swayed by the incredibly silly but highly entertaining trailers for Here Comes the Boom also starring Kevin James.  Or maybe I am just a glutton for punishment.  Whatever the reason, Adam Sandler and his Happy Madison Productions (Jack & Jill, Grown Ups, Bucky Larson) have gotten me again.

To wrap your head around the movie that is Zookeeper, you have to try to envision what would happen if the script for Eddie Murphy’s Doctor Doolittle and the script for Ben Stiller’s Night at the Museum mated.  The end result could only be exactly what you find in this film, which sees Kevin James playing sad sack Griffin Keyes, a zookeeper with the ability to speak to the animals and who in turn solicits their advice in order to make sense of his middling life and win back the love of Leslie Bibb’s Stephanie.

After reading the preceding paragraph, if you need me to explain why this movie does not work then you should probably go back and read the brief synopsis again.  The gimmick of animals speaking with human voices is a shtick that can wear incredibly thin over the full length of a feature film.  This is especially true when those voices are provided by the likes of Adam Sandler, Nick Nolte, Sylvester Stallone, Cher, Jim Breuer, and Judd Apatow – a veritable who’s who of people playing deep into the back nine of their careers.  Truth be told, I am the least likely person to be amused by the novelty of talking animals, but I have to believe that even the most ardent subscriber to Zoo Books would at some point while watching this film just want to hit the mute button.

As for the live cast, they are about as engaged as one would expect in a film with this plot and of this caliber – which is to say, not so much.  Leslie Bibb is accomplished at being blonde and playing attractive women who are grating on the nerves so I guess that my finding her annoying in this movie was actually her doing a good job.  Joining her in the supporting cast is Ken Jeong (The Hangover) who as far as I can tell appears in this movie for only two reasons - to put on a long wig and to cash a paycheck.  It is an usually subdued performance turned in by Jeong, one in which he kept his pants on, so by that standard, I guess it would have to be deemed a success.

As for the plus side of this film, Kevin James and Rosario Dawson somehow manage to rise above the muck and do just enough to keep me from wanting to snap the DVD in half.  James holds his over-the-top antics in check just long enough to sell himself as the likable goof that you want to root for while Dawson eases into each scene fashioning that same low maintenance charm that made her performances in Men in Black II and Clerks II the only redeeming quality in both films.  Still, it’s not enough to make this movie anything better than an incredibly poor piece of cinematic fluff.

I don’t loathe this movie in the way I loathe Project X or Jack & Jill.  Those films are an assault on cinematic sensibilities.  Zookeeper is well-meaning and has a likable protagonist but it’s just not that entertaining and the last time I checked, they call this the entertainment industry for a reason.  So while I don’t recommend this movie in any way, I am not going to rally the villagers to storm the Happy Madison offices with the pitchforks in hand the way they always do in Frankenstein movies.  Instead I’ll just caution you to check your Netflix queue to make sure this title has not made its way onto your list.  And for your hardcore Kevin James fans (if there are any), be on the lookout for Here Comes the Boom.  

Standout Performance: Joe Rogan gets the nod as Leslie Bibb’s ex-boyfriend Gale.  Sure his character is one big cliché and every word out of his mouth is nonsense but Rogan is hilarious and everything he does brings me back to his days on The Man Show, News Radio, and Fear Factor.

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Review: That's My Boy

I have spilled a lot of proverbial ink (most recently in my Jack and Jill review) about how I repeatedly hoodwink myself into watching Adam Sandler movies.  I estimate that I have sworn off Happy Madison productions at least ten times.  So when Sandler’s latest movie That’s My Boy dropped, I told myself to stay strong.  I knew at some point, I would see it (I admit as much in the June Movie Guide), but I didn’t want to shell out $15 to see this train wreck on the big screen.  I am here to report with mixed feelings that I caved in.

The movie is a complete mess, but that’s not to say there aren’t some very funny moments.  The plot is loosely based on the Mary Kay Letourneau story about an inappropriate student / teacher relationship that results in the birth of a son.  Adam Sandler plays the student some 30 years later and Andy Samberg the estranged son.  Sprinkle in some elements of childhood stardom, 80’s nostalgia, the usual slew of celebrity cameos, and the grotesque shattering of social norms and you pretty much get an idea of what’s going on in the film.

My expectations for Sandler’s movies are so low that it could have been two hours of a blank screen and I probably would have considered that an improvement so that may be a contributing factor as to why I didn’t completely loathe the film.  The one thing that is clearly happening in this project is that Sandler and his crew are trying to go bigger and badder in the raunch department in an attempt to capitalize on the increased popularity of the rated-R comedy.  The result is a slew of cringe-worthy moments flanked by the occasional laugh-out-loud moment (the latter of which has been painfully absent from his last five films).

The cast of the film is mediocre and Sandler is up front and leading the way.  He seems resigned to using the scratchy rumbling voice inflection from Little Nicky, which can be incredibly grating on the nerves.  Samberg compliments him with an uninspired performance that makes one wonder if he should really be leaving SNL at this point in his career.  As for Leighton Meester, her greatest acting talent is bearing a strong resemblance to Minka Kelly, which is to say that she is not the most gifted thespian and so she adds very little to the film.  Those with minimal screen time deliver the best performances.  Eva Amurri Martino, James Caan, Tony Orlando, and Milo Ventimiglia are very solid in supporting roles and Vanilla Ice (Rob Van Winkle) steals the show.

I can’t outright recommend this film, but there is some entertainment here.  You will find yourself oscillating between liking it and loathing it depending on the scene.  It really is one of those movies you’re almost embarrassed to say that you enjoyed on some level.  Don’t see it in the cinema, but instead catch it as a rental or on cable.  You’ll have a laugh or two (and likewise a gag reflex or two).  I have a feeling that this movie will play very well for the 18-25 male demographic, but then I think we all can occasionally enjoy a bit of low low low-brow idiotic hijinks.  After reading this review, if you are still trying to figure out whether or not I liked this film, then join the club.  I am still trying to decide myself.

Standout Performance: Vanilla Ice a.k.a. Rob Van Winkle steals the show in this movie.  Every time he shows up on screen utter bedlam breaks out.

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Review: Jack and Jill

There are a lot of people who are too young to remember Mike Tyson as something more than an awkward caricature that randomly shows up on Funny or Die and the Hangover movies.  He was once a fierce athlete with a singular focus of inflicting damage.  As the pre-eminent pugilist of his generation, Tyson’s fights were must-see events.  After a plethora of personal troubles that culminated in a three-year stint in prison, Tyson returned to the ring.  He struggled however to recapture that greatness and over time increasingly amassed embarrassing losses to pedestrian fighters.  I remember watching, waiting, and hoping to see the moment where things would click again for the former champion – where he would bob and weave; and land the haymakers that he was missing wildly with.

So you may be asking, what does any of this have to do with Adam Sandler’s Jack and Jill?  Well, that is precisely how I feel nowadays when it comes to Adam Sandler.  I remember his pinnacle – The Wedding Singer, Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison – when he was appearing in some wildly entertaining comedies.  But now I keep watching his films (Click, Grown Ups, Just Go With It) wondering if the next film will be the one where he recaptures the magic that built his Happy Madison empire.  Well, I am ready to say that his demise is complete as Jack and Jill is the proverbial nail in coffin. 

Jack and Jill is one of the worst movies I have ever seen – no doubt about it.  I wanted to turn it off so many times, but kept watching for the sole purpose of being able to write a skewering review.  So you may be asking yourself what makes this movie so bad.  Let’s start with the most glaring issue – twice the dosage of Adam Sandler.  It is always precarious when an actor plays two leading roles of different genders in a comedy (see also Norbit starring Eddie Murphy).  Sandler is in rare form in this film about twin siblings going through some kind of crisis that I am sure absolutely no one cares about.  The plot is inconsequential and the sight gag that is Sandler dressed as a woman wears thin about five seconds in. 

The worst part about this film is that in his quest to reach new depths of awfulness, Sandler takes down a bunch of likeable actors with him.  Maybe it’s the memory of Dawson’s Creek at work, but I still really like Katie Holmes and think there is something very endearing about her.  Yet now, the stink of this film will be difficult to wash off.  Ditto for Allen Covert’s Otto (the caddy).  They should have left the memory of him bathing in a water hazard (in Happy Gilmore) intact.  And worst of all, Al Pacino decides to make sure that his legacy remains completely tarnished (a process that commenced with Gigli, 88 Minutes, and Righteous Kill). 

Every celebrity that appeared as a cameo in this film (Johnny Depp, Shaq, Regis, Jared from Subway) should petition IMDB to get his or her respective names removed from the cast list, because everything about this movie is embarrassing.  Nothing can save this movie – not even an angry Johnny Mac (John McEnroe).  I think it goes without saying that you should not see Jack and Jill under any circumstances.  If enough of us adhere to this, maybe Sandler will stop appearing in movies.  Then again, if he stopped acting, he might produce more movies (i.e. Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star, Zookeeper, and Grandma’s Boy).  Ugh.  Either way, we lose.

Standout Performance: Dana Carvey – because even though he is listed as a member of the cast, I don’t remember seeing him.  

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