Review: The Roommate

In my mind there were only two reasons to watch The Roommate – Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester.  Then I sacrificed two hours of my life only to discover that there is actually no reason to watch this movie.  Never have I seen a worse collection of acting performances in one feature film.  Not in Johnny English Reborn, not in the 2011 remake of Footloose, and not even in Jack & Jill – a film which marked the moment Adam Sandler’s career finally hit rock bottom.  I am sure that at some other point in my life I have made this proclamation, but I am also sure that it has never been more true.  Heck, even the faux political commercial I made for Art 101 during my freshman year at Andover (cut to Tone Loc’s Wild Thing) would put this movie to shame.  And yes, you read that right…Tone Loc.

But I digress.  The movie is not a credited remake, but it is a carbon copy of Single White Female starring Jennifer Jason Leigh and Bridget Fonda with just barely enough tweaks to make it appear like an original – albeit inferior - movie.  The plot of SWF-redux follows Minka Kelly’s Sara – a girl from a small town, who comes to Los Angeles to earn a college degree and fulfill her dreams of making it in the world of fashion.  The only thing standing in her way is her roommate Rebecca (Leighton Meester) – a very troubled woman who has an unhealthy obsession with Kelly’s Sara.

The plot provides you with the typical scenes one would expect from any mediocre movie set on a college campus – frat parties, clubbing, vomiting, flirty scenes in the school library, and every other cliché that one can fit into the script.  Needless to say, writers (and I use that term lightly) Sonny Mallhi and Nick Bylsma don’t dig very deep into the bag of literary tricks on this project.  What exasperates the lack of creativity in their script is the weak cast, which just does not have enough talent to elevate anything in any way.

I am not going to fault Mika Kelly, because she is…Minka Kelly.  I won’t say she is terrible in this movie though she is not very good.  Her Sara is another version of the same character she is always asked to play – a very attractive, very sweet woman, who is oblivious to the machinations going on around her.  There’s not enough depth here to build a feature film around her performance, and that’s where the failure of Leighton Meester comes into play.  I guess her poor showing as the menacing roommate should come as no surprise as I don’t think she has ever been good in anything, but her lack of screen presence is palpable. 

As for the rest of the cast, two words – who cares?  Billy Zane? Bad.  Nina Dobrev?  Worse.  Cam Gigandet?  Worst.  I would name and rate the rest of the supporting players but you have probably have never heard of them and probably never will.  It’s an understatement to say that it’s lean pickings in the talent department from top to bottom, and that’s why I recommend you avoid this movie at all cost.  Don’t watch it; don’t think about it; don’t even talk about it with your friends and family.  Should a copy of this DVD come across your desk, I suggest you put a pair of gloves on and toss it in the trash.  The stench from this film is something not easily removed.  You’ve been warned.

Standout Performance: Anyone who passed on this film.

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Review: That's My Boy

I have spilled a lot of proverbial ink (most recently in my Jack and Jill review) about how I repeatedly hoodwink myself into watching Adam Sandler movies.  I estimate that I have sworn off Happy Madison productions at least ten times.  So when Sandler’s latest movie That’s My Boy dropped, I told myself to stay strong.  I knew at some point, I would see it (I admit as much in the June Movie Guide), but I didn’t want to shell out $15 to see this train wreck on the big screen.  I am here to report with mixed feelings that I caved in.

The movie is a complete mess, but that’s not to say there aren’t some very funny moments.  The plot is loosely based on the Mary Kay Letourneau story about an inappropriate student / teacher relationship that results in the birth of a son.  Adam Sandler plays the student some 30 years later and Andy Samberg the estranged son.  Sprinkle in some elements of childhood stardom, 80’s nostalgia, the usual slew of celebrity cameos, and the grotesque shattering of social norms and you pretty much get an idea of what’s going on in the film.

My expectations for Sandler’s movies are so low that it could have been two hours of a blank screen and I probably would have considered that an improvement so that may be a contributing factor as to why I didn’t completely loathe the film.  The one thing that is clearly happening in this project is that Sandler and his crew are trying to go bigger and badder in the raunch department in an attempt to capitalize on the increased popularity of the rated-R comedy.  The result is a slew of cringe-worthy moments flanked by the occasional laugh-out-loud moment (the latter of which has been painfully absent from his last five films).

The cast of the film is mediocre and Sandler is up front and leading the way.  He seems resigned to using the scratchy rumbling voice inflection from Little Nicky, which can be incredibly grating on the nerves.  Samberg compliments him with an uninspired performance that makes one wonder if he should really be leaving SNL at this point in his career.  As for Leighton Meester, her greatest acting talent is bearing a strong resemblance to Minka Kelly, which is to say that she is not the most gifted thespian and so she adds very little to the film.  Those with minimal screen time deliver the best performances.  Eva Amurri Martino, James Caan, Tony Orlando, and Milo Ventimiglia are very solid in supporting roles and Vanilla Ice (Rob Van Winkle) steals the show.

I can’t outright recommend this film, but there is some entertainment here.  You will find yourself oscillating between liking it and loathing it depending on the scene.  It really is one of those movies you’re almost embarrassed to say that you enjoyed on some level.  Don’t see it in the cinema, but instead catch it as a rental or on cable.  You’ll have a laugh or two (and likewise a gag reflex or two).  I have a feeling that this movie will play very well for the 18-25 male demographic, but then I think we all can occasionally enjoy a bit of low low low-brow idiotic hijinks.  After reading this review, if you are still trying to figure out whether or not I liked this film, then join the club.  I am still trying to decide myself.

Standout Performance: Vanilla Ice a.k.a. Rob Van Winkle steals the show in this movie.  Every time he shows up on screen utter bedlam breaks out.

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