Tuesday, February 26, 2013

March 2013 Movie Guide

MARCH 1, 2013



Starring: 
Justin Chon, Miles Teller, Skylar Astin, Jonathan Keltz
Why You Should See It: Because it looks like The Hangover set on a college campus.
Why You Should Avoid It: Because it looks like Project X set on a college campus.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says: Only if you are under a male under the age of 23.


Starring: 
Nicholas Hoult, Stanley Tucci, Ewan McGregor, Bill Nighy
Why You Should See It: Because it features a great cast.
Why You Should Avoid It: Because director Bryan Singer is the epitome of hit or miss.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Coin toss.


Starring: 
Ashley Bell, Spencer Treat Clark, Andrew Sensenig, Judd Lormand
Why You Should See It: ....
Why You Should Avoid It: Because Hollywood has run out of good horror ideas to rip off.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Stay away.


Starring: 
Carrey Mulligan, Jodie Foster, Mia Wasikowska, Nicole Kidman
Why You Should See It: Because Park Chan-Wook is a master at capturing suspense on screen.
Why You Should Avoid It: Because the quality of Nicole Kidman’s work has been on a steady decline.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Do it.

Other theatrical releases:  Phantom

MARCH 8, 2013 


Starring:
 Mila Kunis, Michelle Williams, Rachel Weisz, James Franco
Why You Should See It: Mila Kunis, Michelle Williams, Rachel Weisz.
Why You Should Avoid It: James Franco
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Yes...but partly because there haven't been too many reasons to go to the cinema.


Starring:
 Colin Farrell, Noomi Rapace, Terrence Howard, Dominic Cooper
Why You Should See It: Because all principle cast members not named Colin Farrell are solid actors.
Why You Should Avoid It: Colin Farrell.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Only if you have a free movie pass, no plans whatsoever, and you live above a movie cinema.

Other theatrical releases:  Emperor

MARCH 15, 2013 

Starring: Steve Carell, Jim Carrey, Olivia Wilde, Steve Buscemi, Alan Arkin
Why You Should See It: Because this could be the Anchorman for magicians.
Why You Should Avoid It: Because you make your movie choices based on the looks of the lead actors.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Worth the risk.


Starring:
 Halle Berry, Morris Chestnut, Abigail Breslin, Michael Imperioli
Why You Should See It: Because Morris Chestnut always does something funny (even when it's not intended).
Why You Should Avoid It: Because it's clearly a rip off of the movie Cellular, which is a movie that clearly did not need to be ripped off.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Never. Ever.

Starring: Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, James Franco
Why You Should See It: ...
Why You Should Avoid It: James Franco, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  If you are between the ages of 18 and 23 this movie is for you.  Everyone else, just say no.

MARCH 22, 2013


Starring:
 Gerard Butler, Angela Bassett, Aaron Eckhart, Radha Mitchell
Why You Should See It: Because Air Force One and other action movies surrounding Potus usually entertain.
Why You Should Avoid It: Because the same can't be said for Gerard Butler (except in 300).
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Game time decision.


Starring:
 Tina Fey, Michael Sheen, Paul Rudd, Wallace Shawn
Why You Should See It: Because you're girlfriend wants to see it.
Why You Should Avoid It: Because you're girlfriend broke up with you so now you don't have to see it.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Depends on your relationship status.


Starring:
 Garrett Hedlund, Kristen Stewart, Sam Riley, Kirsten Dunst, Amy Adams
Why You Should See It: There's no reason to ever watch a Kristen Stewart movie.
Why You Should Avoid It: There's no reason to ever watch a Kristen Stewart movie.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  No. No. No. No. No.

Other theatrical releases:  The Croods

MARCH 29, 2013


Starring:
 Channing Tatum, Dwayne Johnson, Adrianne Palicki, Bruce Willis
Why You Should See It: Because Dwayne Johnson movies always have great action.
Why You Should Avoid It: Because the first G.I. Joe was flat out terrible.
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Probably a rental.


Starring:
 Bradley Cooper, Ryan Gosling, Eva Mendes, Ray Liotta, Dane DeHaan
Why You Should See It: Because Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper have each been on good runs.
Why You Should Avoid It: Because when real life paramours appear in a movie together, the finished product tends to be bad. (Gosling, Mendes)
And the Magic 8 Ball Says:  Take a pass.

Other theatrical releases:  Tyler Perry’s Temptation

1 comments:

 
Google+